It has been a weird week. I guess after being numb the first week, the emotions just flowed this week. I found myself repeating things at home. I couldn't find the hamper of dirty laundry...it was already in the wash, .....washed the bottom of the boat twice....that kind of stuff. I would get pissed easily at Michael, the cat whoever.
Friday it dawned on me. Marc killed his kids, he removed himself from the list of people I call a friend. The end. Accepting that has helped quite a bit. It may seem simple, and curt, but usually the best fixes are.
Somehow through all of this I've remained smoked free. Coming up on a month already, and I can't believe it. I do really feel better, and when I have an urge to smoke it passes quickly. I will still be a recovering smoker until I make it a year, but there is finally hope.
I got quite a bit done on the boat this week, she is back on the rebuilt trailor, and the belly work is done. The BONG noises are caused by a chunk of old insulation that broke free in the bow. How to fix is the question.
Well Spring is finally HERE!!!!!! Working today, nice to not have to think about which coat to bring.
Life is good,
Dave
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Death of a Flight Nurse
I'm still completely numb. Sunday night I went to bed early to finally get caught up on sleep. One of the managers called at 10:30 PM and said there was a stand off at Marc's house. Marc has been with our flight program for many years, and I think a nurse since who knows when. He was a great guy. He came from the ICU, was occasionally responsible for driving some of the medics mad with his ICU detail. He was one of those nurses that was both great to work with, and a bit of a nag. His nickname, lovingly given to him by Sarah, was Squishim. (His last name was Tishim) Through the years we went through his first divorce after being married for 20 plus years. They never had any kids. He then married a nurse from the unit who was quite a bit younger than him, and they started a family. We were glad to see this for 2 reasons:
1st Marc really was great with kids. On PICU runs he could make the goofy faces that would make kids smile. (Compared to my goofy faces which usually made kids cry, and other nurses nauseated.)
2nd reason we were glad Marc had kids was pay-back. Marc always made fun of us parents for being over tired, stressed, you know the fun of little kids......Well then Marc had kids of his own, and started saying the same things we did, about being up all night, clinic appointments etc.......
In the last couple years, their marriage went South. The divorce became bitter. We were on Marc's side, but let's be honest, it's hard to know with a divorce as to who is trying to screw who. We knew that the stress was taking a toll on Marc, he was talking about quitting, or retiring, and was working with HR. He would come in, and bring the kids, they would draw on the dry erase boards, help us around the ambulances. They were such great kids.
0150 hours, Call from dispatch, The SWAT team stormed Marc's house. They stated 3 dead right away. Marc killed his kids ages 4 and 8, and then took his own life.
What can I say? This is the third suicide in our department in 3 years. I know in my heart, that people were talking to Marc, trying to make sure he was OK. He knew what to say and what not to say. I really do believe that everyone thought he was going to be OK. The divorce was to be final this week. He could finally move forward in life. God he really had us convinced it was going to be OK.
The kids.....Marc, how in the hell could you do that? How can you take the lives of your kids? You Bastard, you used to run around preaching people's free-will, and then you take away their chances to choose the kind of life they would have. I'm so angry about this. I can't envision any of this.
So, here we sit, empty and hurt, numb, and confused. What could have been going through his mind. A community divided. This is just too much. There has been much local media coverage especially with the Virginia Tech thing. Some of the media have focused on our flight serive, because Marc had been involved in public relations shoots, so his image was on file.
Forgiveness will be tough on this one.
A side note, The Chantix was worked wonderfully, though the temptation is there to smoke, I'm now officially over 2 weeks smoke free.
1st Marc really was great with kids. On PICU runs he could make the goofy faces that would make kids smile. (Compared to my goofy faces which usually made kids cry, and other nurses nauseated.)
2nd reason we were glad Marc had kids was pay-back. Marc always made fun of us parents for being over tired, stressed, you know the fun of little kids......Well then Marc had kids of his own, and started saying the same things we did, about being up all night, clinic appointments etc.......
In the last couple years, their marriage went South. The divorce became bitter. We were on Marc's side, but let's be honest, it's hard to know with a divorce as to who is trying to screw who. We knew that the stress was taking a toll on Marc, he was talking about quitting, or retiring, and was working with HR. He would come in, and bring the kids, they would draw on the dry erase boards, help us around the ambulances. They were such great kids.
0150 hours, Call from dispatch, The SWAT team stormed Marc's house. They stated 3 dead right away. Marc killed his kids ages 4 and 8, and then took his own life.
What can I say? This is the third suicide in our department in 3 years. I know in my heart, that people were talking to Marc, trying to make sure he was OK. He knew what to say and what not to say. I really do believe that everyone thought he was going to be OK. The divorce was to be final this week. He could finally move forward in life. God he really had us convinced it was going to be OK.
The kids.....Marc, how in the hell could you do that? How can you take the lives of your kids? You Bastard, you used to run around preaching people's free-will, and then you take away their chances to choose the kind of life they would have. I'm so angry about this. I can't envision any of this.
So, here we sit, empty and hurt, numb, and confused. What could have been going through his mind. A community divided. This is just too much. There has been much local media coverage especially with the Virginia Tech thing. Some of the media have focused on our flight serive, because Marc had been involved in public relations shoots, so his image was on file.
Forgiveness will be tough on this one.
A side note, The Chantix was worked wonderfully, though the temptation is there to smoke, I'm now officially over 2 weeks smoke free.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
bye bye snow
Well I am so hoping that we are done with the snow for the year. We got pounded at work yesterday. Kinda funny how I could come up with about 12,000 new triggers for smoking, Seems as though my worst is right after I get done with a call. Seems that there is a natural expextation that I'll get to smoke. We went through about every scenario that one could for stress, from terrible wnter driving to a couple of cirle jerks waiting for decisions to be made. Oh well, I made it though, and remain smokefree.
Hugh from Nickels boat works called today and I got the jib tracks ordered. Harry from Cardinal Yahts was kind enough to put together a boom for me. So other than a good hull cleaning, and stay checking we should be good to go for sailing this year.
The snow would have been nicer had I not been working. It cleared out nicely, and by afternoon the warm peeks of sun let you know this wasn't going to last too long. This has been a tough week, almost funny how stress is tripled, and people let you down while you are trying to quit smoking.
Of course quitting smoking is a selfish thing when you really think about it. It's like walking into work on a busy day, and annoucing it's my birthday. Most are polite and say Happy birthday, but they think..."good for you, now get to work...." Quitting smoking is the same. You walk around fighting this horrible mental battle, and announce to people to give you special treatment. People are nice, but I wonder if their only thought is "good for you, you don't stink...now get to work..."
It is also selfish because you are the one who put yourself into this mess. For whatever reason one starts smoking, I guess that 99 % new it was wrong and dangerous before they took their first puff. So I guess it's kinda like sitting in your own pile of dung, and realizing you are the only one who is going to clean yourself up.
OK enough deep, out there thoughts. Today is a 3/10 on the smoking, and a 6 / 10 on the worn out disappointed scale.
Have a great weekend, Dave
Hugh from Nickels boat works called today and I got the jib tracks ordered. Harry from Cardinal Yahts was kind enough to put together a boom for me. So other than a good hull cleaning, and stay checking we should be good to go for sailing this year.
The snow would have been nicer had I not been working. It cleared out nicely, and by afternoon the warm peeks of sun let you know this wasn't going to last too long. This has been a tough week, almost funny how stress is tripled, and people let you down while you are trying to quit smoking.
Of course quitting smoking is a selfish thing when you really think about it. It's like walking into work on a busy day, and annoucing it's my birthday. Most are polite and say Happy birthday, but they think..."good for you, now get to work...." Quitting smoking is the same. You walk around fighting this horrible mental battle, and announce to people to give you special treatment. People are nice, but I wonder if their only thought is "good for you, you don't stink...now get to work..."
It is also selfish because you are the one who put yourself into this mess. For whatever reason one starts smoking, I guess that 99 % new it was wrong and dangerous before they took their first puff. So I guess it's kinda like sitting in your own pile of dung, and realizing you are the only one who is going to clean yourself up.
OK enough deep, out there thoughts. Today is a 3/10 on the smoking, and a 6 / 10 on the worn out disappointed scale.
Have a great weekend, Dave
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Tuesday sailing and Snow
Well today is going a bit better as far as the no smoking goes. I went into work for a couple of hours yesterday, and found about a thousand new triggers for smoking. Yes!!! a new challange. Crap.....Oh well, I just plan on taking frequesnt walks. I'm supposed to be on Air, but it sounds like it is going to snow all day.
I thought it funny that the day I bring the boat home, they announce a Winter Storm Watch...what is up with that? Oh well, what can ya do. I figure that I'll just refuse to shovel it.
Maria called, and I went out to get the boat. It's really wet by the barn, and with the cold temps the ground froze enough to get the boat up the hill. One of her neighbors picked up his boat when it was warm, and totally tore up her side yard. She is not too happy of a camper.
The boat looks good, and I'm looking forward to having a couple of warm days to get her ready for the year.
One of the people from the club is starting a new sailboat business. I hope it takes off. Sailing is a nice change from the powered world. Hopefully as gas prices continue to rise we will see more people trade in the big motors for a sailboat. It's a great family activity. Don't get me wrong, I love the V-8 powerboats as much as anyone, but returning to sailing has been a great experience for me.
So today is about a 3 out of 10 on the no smoking, panic,chew on my shoes, scale. Talk to ya soon, Dave
Monday, April 9, 2007
Mornings
I think the biggest change in routine for me is when I first get up. I wasn't one of these people that had to have a smoke right away, but i had a routine of getting up 45 minutes early, make a cup of coffee, and then have a smoke or 2. Then I'd just either watch the news, or go for a walk to get the day started.
Now....hmmm the routine doesn't work. So I've decided to sleep in a bit, wake up in time for coffee if I want, and go from there. The cold snap we are having isn't really helping the go out and walk thing.....Spring will be here soon.....now explain this Global Warming thing to me again?
Coffee really has no draw at all. The only time I want a cigarette is out of habit. I really have no other desire for it. Going this long without a smoke does feel really good.
I know that bars and Supper Clubs are going to be out for a long time.
I'm going to try and get the boat this afternoon. I can't really do any of the belly work until it warms up, but maybe I can put bigger wheels on the trailer, and get the lighting straightened out.
Bills, and school work today.
See ya,
Dave
Now....hmmm the routine doesn't work. So I've decided to sleep in a bit, wake up in time for coffee if I want, and go from there. The cold snap we are having isn't really helping the go out and walk thing.....Spring will be here soon.....now explain this Global Warming thing to me again?
Coffee really has no draw at all. The only time I want a cigarette is out of habit. I really have no other desire for it. Going this long without a smoke does feel really good.
I know that bars and Supper Clubs are going to be out for a long time.
I'm going to try and get the boat this afternoon. I can't really do any of the belly work until it warms up, but maybe I can put bigger wheels on the trailer, and get the lighting straightened out.
Bills, and school work today.
See ya,
Dave
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Ex smoker? me?
What a pain, I started taking Chantix 2 weeks ago to help with quitting smoking. I really sounds like a good deal, as they tell you to smoke as much as you want the first week.
Then the next week. OK so I smoked 4 the first couple days, and have not smoked any for 4 days at all. It's interesting how many times you just want to jump up and go get a smoke. It's very instictive almost.
A couple of interesting side notes. One of my co-worker's, Jim, noticed that there is a decreased need for caffine. I hadn't really noticed it until he mentioned it. Coffee was my other addiction which went perfectly with a smoke or 5. Now I hardly want a cup, and there has been no caffine headache at all.
Chantix is like nothing I have tried before. a bit a nausea at first, but really no other side effect. It like takes out the physical cravings for about everything, and leaves you be to work stuff out with your head.
So for now it's going well. I feel good about coming this far, amd hope I can stick with it.
Snow again today, the one week in March where it got into the 70s was just a tease. I talked to Maria and I'm going to try and pick up the boat next week. She said ther was quite a bit of mud down by the barn, so I try and get it out while the ground is still kinda frozen. I am so looking forward to getting out on the water again.
Then the next week. OK so I smoked 4 the first couple days, and have not smoked any for 4 days at all. It's interesting how many times you just want to jump up and go get a smoke. It's very instictive almost.
A couple of interesting side notes. One of my co-worker's, Jim, noticed that there is a decreased need for caffine. I hadn't really noticed it until he mentioned it. Coffee was my other addiction which went perfectly with a smoke or 5. Now I hardly want a cup, and there has been no caffine headache at all.
Chantix is like nothing I have tried before. a bit a nausea at first, but really no other side effect. It like takes out the physical cravings for about everything, and leaves you be to work stuff out with your head.
So for now it's going well. I feel good about coming this far, amd hope I can stick with it.
Snow again today, the one week in March where it got into the 70s was just a tease. I talked to Maria and I'm going to try and pick up the boat next week. She said ther was quite a bit of mud down by the barn, so I try and get it out while the ground is still kinda frozen. I am so looking forward to getting out on the water again.
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